Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (POS)

The day I found out this is what I had, was a day filled with many mixed emotions. I was so relieved because someone was finally able to tell me what was going on with me. I was scared, because I had no idea what it was. Angry, because I couldn't understand why this was happening to me. (I still deal with this emotion a lot) And most of all....Alone. I didn't know anyone else you had this condition, because, well, I just found out about it myself. Thankfully I have met a few women who have POS, but I'm not as close with them as I would like to be.

My best friend has turly been my saving grace through all of this. She is one of the most amazing people I know, and I am so thankful to have her in my life. Even though she doesn't know the feelings I am feeling, she has still been there from day 1. Even before I figured out what going on, she was the one pushing me to go to the doctor, and telling me everything was going to be ok. Now, don't get me wrong, my husband has been an amazing person through everything also. But he doesn't know how to deal with any of it either. He doesn't really share his feelings about any of it. He is the type of man who always says "it will happen". He really is my rock. But sometimes I want him to act just as pissed off as I do. I want him to cry with me. I guess all in all I just want to feel like he is just as scared as I am. And I'm not a crazy person.

I have wanted to have children for as long as I could remember, and all of a sudden there is a chance I can't. I know now that this is a very treatable condition, but I don't understand why I have to fight so hard for something that other people just take for granted.

That's another issue I am trying to deal with. When someone tells me they are pregnant I want to crawl in a hole and just cry. This may seem extreme to some of you, but I can't help the way I feel. But then always after having this feeling, I then feel guilty. Because I know I should be happy for them, and I get upset with myself for being so bitter.

And So it Begins...

I've been thinking about starting a blog of my own a lot lately. Recently I've started following a few, and I think they are so neat.

Mainly I want to start this to get some things off my chest, and to hopefully meet people going through the same things my husband and I are going though. Besides what my husband and I are dealing with, I have a lot of family related issues going on right now also. I don't always deal with them the best way, but I deal with them the only way I know how to. I'm really hoping that getting my thoughts out and hopefully having people reflect on them will start my healing process.

Sorry this is very short and vague, but there is a lot more to come.